Friday, January 4, 2013

Facing myself 2 - Big price

Hello blog,

Heraclitus, the great philosopher some 2500 years ago, wondered around Greece and thought that the world somehow had a few unchanging facts and that almost everything changed with time. In other words, the guy was saying that "change" is one constant fact about life and definitely has a great effect on the way we think of the world around us.

Think deeper about this, you'll figure out it's a sad point to realize. I'll explain:

In my case, I think I always resisted change as much I could. I am not so easily adapted to anything nor do I have a catalog as Mahfouz once told me.. Moving is not an easy thing for me to do because when I believe in something I do it, and when I do something, I don't turn back so I better get it right first time.

Yes of course, I fail a lot and there were times I bowed but at least I always tried and I learned so much trying, the hard way : ( . 

Sometimes I pay double for being 62 HRC and I can't deny it because it makes up the pieces I think I am.

You know, 17 years ago, I was struggling in college. I was overloaded with courses more than others were allowed to enroll and consequently barely passed them in D's.

It was so weird: I did 3rd year engineering classes without studying 2nd year's first. I knew it was wrong, teachers and friends told me "DON'T DO IT SILLY" but I turned blind eyes and deaf ears to everybody. Furthermore, I fooled the registrar office for 2 years before I get caught!! It's a long story to tell but work at the time was not fully computerized and I managed to register courses in two different departments and get away with it. 

I was lucky enough they didn't kick me out because faculty helped me at the last minute as well as a bit of exterior ..........Thanks God it was Mutah!

Anyway, I had reasons for the nonesense because miraculously, I transferred to engineering from physics in the beginning of my 3rd year of college, grades were OK and a vacancy was open so I took a chance and I earned it then. That was the motive .... Perhaps, in addition to a couple of things very few know.

So, the engineering students of 3rd year were rounded well in many topics I hardly knew what they were about. That was normal because I spent my 2nd year doing physics and my ego didn't allow me to be a 2nd year student once again. 

Now you can imagine, the following 3 years, I was lost between odds but I managed to finish the curricula experiencing endurance limits to extremes on the expense of other things in life. Thanks God, my friends helped me go through that with great support when I needed them and we still joke about it when ever we get to meet.

 That was my first serious resisting change experience and it was anything but good. Yes, I failed to accept change and I was so lucky it worked for me at the end. It was tough but it made me realize that beyond the right/wrong paradox there are other dimensions worth exploring.

The point is: is it against Heraclitus rule? 

I am not sure it is, but to me, I think Heraclitus rule allows good margins because so far, it seems to me that the act of trying sometimes counts as if it was a constant in an ever changing world ... Somehow ~.~

I sound pathetic and begging sympathies, aren't I?!

By the end of 2013, a chapter will end and I need to have a few answers ready by then. Facing myself exercises help me find good ones and I hope this post will make it easier for me, next time I explain to Hala how "I didn't change , only a tinny little bit when I moved to KSA".

I won't change ya Hala ... I like it like this kitty :)

See you next time.