Facing myself

Hello blog.

This post is about me but I don't know what to call it because it's a sad one.

I am not OK, no matter what side I look at it. The sad thing is I see it clearly in almost everything I do.

In the past 3 years, I think I came the farthest than I ever had in a quite long time. At least in many areas. While in the few remaining ones, I think I could some how do well and I've just realized that possibly, this might be the root of the problem. It seems my calculations are based on false data.

Am I fooling myself without noticing that? This is a big question I fail to answer. I don't know the right answer, I really don't. 

Sometimes , I say to myself that life is all about uncertainties and how we handle them, everybody does that and I'm just a drop in the ocean but even though, this doesn't answer my questions. Uncertainty is a common thing so the problem is somewhere else. Definitely it's the key to the right answer but it's not my holly grail.

Usually, at times like this, I automatically turn to the facts I know well. Thanks God I still have a few major ones.Those unchanged things that make up myself.

By the way, I'm not so alien to the above. It's just it's been a long time since I last faced myself. I am not so freaked out because I did it before at worse times with little and even less backup in its general form than what I enjoy today. I will be lying if I said I have little backup because I do have a little. Little is is almost none while a little indicates that some are still there.

This post is not due yet. Right now I'm sticking to one of the very fundamental   facts I know about myself in order to keep an OK level of sanity, reason and normality. 

This particular phone takes me to the most beautiful world I've ever known because my wife gave it to me when I moved here for work. This is a naked truth about me.